Hello, fellow resonators, hope you are all well…
So, what have I been doing and contemplating in Week 29?
Well, I must confess I’ve not had a perfect week! I’ve had chippy late at night, and I’ve had crisps and lots of Diet Coke! I’ve not even had an excuse to do so, as I’ve not been so busy I couldn’t cook, I’ve just felt lethargic and just generally “meh” all week.
For instance, I started with good intentions, wanting to look up the APO gene that shows 13 types of cholesterol, to find out what specific diet I needed for my body, but couldn’t be bothered. It bored me. I’m not saying Pamela McDonald was boring to listen to, just that my mind said “no, don’t want to know this, don’t want to do this, don’t want to contemplate this” and that was it. It doesn’t matter how interested I was last week to find out about how it could reverse disease; this week, my mind didn’t want to take that in.
Maybe because I’ve been tearful and sad because I must go back to my day job for a while. I know it’s great that I’m fortunate enough to have a job to go to, where it will allow me to get the finances behind me I need for advertising my books, but it just makes me aware I’m not self-sufficient as I thought I’d be by this point.
Although, did I really think I would be self-sufficient by this point, earning at least a minimum wage? I planned to live off half a salary at this point if I’d not made a full one, until I made a full one, but the whole concept was ridiculous! Why did I plan to suffer?
I deep down know it always takes longer than expected but, as Les Brown says: Aim high and miss instead of aim low and hit! I knew this would be the case. I just didn’t want to put that in my vibration until the last minute, in case I won the lottery which would save me from ever having to go back and will let me stay doing exactly what I love forever!
That’s me next week. I have had inspiration from the universe for lottery numbers, so we shall see. In the meantime I’ll be doing this all week!
What’s life without hope, hey?
In the meantime, I’ve been trying to pep talk myself, done lots of meditation and telling myself that I’ve done well. I’ve set up my own business, done a course for marketing, written four books, made five mantras and five meditations for people on YouTube, set up a Patreon account and made lots of Reiki induced art.
I’m still trying to make my premium meditation and mantra MP3’s and courses, but it takes time and finances to do things right, so that’s what I need to allow myself.
As my mind screams, “but you need these things to get finances”, I have to let the thought go, otherwise I will rush the products, and there’s no way I can put things out there for sale if I haven’t put my all into it and then some.
So I’ve eaten crap!
The question is, why do I do this? Why do I go and do something that makes me feel worse? Why do I go and do something else that makes me feel like a failure, when I’m beating myself up, when I’m already feeling like a failure? Why can’t I have had the mindset of, “well, I may well have to go back to work, but I can at least go back feeling great in my body? I can at least go back feeling raring to go, energetic and positive.”
I’ve also got my old gratefulness diaries out and read how I first felt when I got the support worker job to refresh my mind of how rewarding it was, and how I loved earning money while I slept, which has only slightly helped as it felt like a step backwards. So instead, I have been affirming things that I genuinely think now.
I am grateful that there’s a support worker job in a new house with better staff waiting for me. I’m thankful that I can go back for a couple of months or for however long it takes for me to save up and pay my own advance, or until I earn enough from my creative endeavours to sustain me instead, or by any other means the universe will provide for me to get out again so I can be totally free forever this time. I’m also grateful I can go back so I can then leave the company on good karmic terms too this time. I’m also hopeful it won’t be for long. I’ve don’t so much while I’ve had this break that I’ve propelled myself forward at least two years of working towards my creative goals, as I only used to have two days off per week. I’m just so grateful the job will help me pay for advertising, more studio time, more editing fees, which will help me get the preferred income faster than if I didn’t advertise.
I did add that it will also help me with my exercising as I’m too sedentary at the moment, until my friend pointed out that if I don’t also get off my arse while I’m at home in my own routine, then the universe will keep me in this job as long as I state it’s a form of exercise, as I will use it as an excuse to do so and it may become a subconscious necessity.
This was me, two minuets later!!!
Also, I think I may feel that I may have one more lesson to learn at the place before I leave forever I have also made a declaration to the universe for that too in the form of, “Whatever lesson I have to learn from this job, please let me learn it well and quick, so that when the opportunity comes for me to earn and sustain myself in a more preferable way, I can take it and leave forever.”
Now I’ve cleared that up I need one for my diet too. “Please remind me to do one form of exercise per day of my own accord at home, and not class my job as so!”
Resonating foods I’ve had this week…
High protein pasta
End of week result…
Because of the crap I’ve eaten this week, I’ve given myself a yellow face. It’s not red because I’ve also eaten well too, and had a few days where I didn’t eat at night, and I’ve been working on my mind. I have also been fully aware of what I’ve been doing and went for a purposeful walk and did some star jumps.
Until next week, keep resonating.