Hello, fellow resonators, hope you are all well…
So, what have I been doing and contemplating in Week 45?
First, I apologise for being a day late; work commitments have thrown me off. If I can’t do a Monday in future, I will do it the day before on a Sunday. The only reason I started on a Monday was that that’s when you usually weigh yourself after a week of being on a diet.
The mad thing is I didn’t even attempt to weigh myself this week because I didn’t want to upset myself too much as during the week I ended up eating chips at Wetherspoons!
I wasn’t even craving chips, which I suppose makes things worse to some people, but to me, it was a good thing because at least it wasn’t through giving into temptation.
I met a friend in Ashton for lunch, who was offering me the job I’d been trying to manifest (i.e. better people to work for in just three long days, so I have four days off per week). I thought I’d be okay at Weatherspoons, because I knew the menu, but when we went in there, all ready to order the salad and halloumi fries as they do in my area, they had none. The only other option for a vegetarian on the Keto diet, is a vegan breakfast where they can add egg and avocado and take away the hash browns, so I’d only have to count for the crap they put in sausages, but they had stopped serving breakfast. My only other option was to go for the all-day vegetarian brunch, which came with chips and I was so hungry that I at them.
I don’t know whether there’s a touch of SAD creeping in due to the cold weather or if eating beans and a couple of tomatoes on a few occasions, has made me feel a bit more carb friendly… or maybe the few carbs I’ve ingested have gone right into my system and a little sugar monster has reappeared in disguise and is starting to sneakily find ways to get more of what it wants without me being conscious of it. It could also be just one of those things.
You can’t always live like a freak, can you?
My sugar monster is now saying, “Yes, you’re right, so why don’t you eat normally more often? Give me more! I want more!” But I’m not willing to listen this time; I know all its games and tricks. I won’t do such things and fool myself that I’m still in control any longer.
The fact was, even though I ate the chips, I wasn’t like a woman let loose from years of starvation, stuffing them down my face as quickly as possible and getting a rush; I was very restrained!
I also didn’t end up having cake and crisps, or chocolate and sweets like I would ordinarily have if I’ve gone off the rails and broken a diet I’d been trying to stick to. In perspective of how well I’ve been doing, I just told myself at the end of the day it was a plate of chips, for goodness sake! I have to get real, as well as being mindful.
Sometimes, especially when I’m at the cinema, when I want chocolate’s and I want full carb everything, and I don’t have it, I feel great.
But sometimes when I don’t have what I crave, I feel terrible. I begin to question myself with monster words like why do I put up with just sitting there like an idiot with no food like no ordinary person who goes to the cinema ever? Why do I have to feel deprived, when I’m trying to enjoy myself, like Mrs Fat Pants?
But that’s not what happened on this occasion.
So, even though chips are anti-Keto, I’m just going to let myself off. I did say that I would wait until Christmas to have roast potatoes on my Christmas dinner, though. I was looking forward to having them then, and it would’ve been a great reward for months of being on the Keto diet to have that day off.
One thing that came to mind was the fact that before we went for dinner, I was given my rota and told I couldn’t have Christmas off so, maybe hearing the news that I wouldn’t be getting said long-awaited for dinner made me eat the chips without a care, who knows?
I’ve gone a bit wild on all occasions this week, throwing myself into the Suzuki Swift showroom and demanding that I have a new car immediately. I’ve been visualising one and feeling so great driving one that, after I knew I’d got the job and would be doing a lot of travelling, it just felt natural for me to go in there and think that I could have one…
…but, of course, things are not that easy.
After spending ages taking a test drive, having coffee, talking numbers and paying a deposit, their finance team refused me credit. Reason? Because I don’t have credit anywhere for anything, I’m not on the system as reliable! Because I pay for everything outright and have no debt whatsoever, I’m not reliable? Where’s the logic in that?
I’ve got to get a credit card, buy things on it each month that I’d usually pay for outright, and pay it right away each month when they send me a statement, in order to build up a trustworthy rating, otherwise I’m invisible. I need things on the tick to get more.
So I phoned my bank. They’d surely give me a loan, and I’ll just buy one outright. I have a personal and business account with them, no problem!
Because I’d just got a refusal from one credit company, my pre-approval with them has disappeared and now the APR they’d offer me has gone through the roof. Now it would cost me £19,600 for a car that would be £13,000.
But where there’s a will, there’s a way. I will get that car. My thoughtlings tell me so.
I will keep you posted to all upcoming lottery wins or miracle lenders.
I suppose it is weird that I’m a 46-year-old woman and never had debt. The thing is, at times like these, your mental health, and your self-worth can take a nosedive, and this is where some of us tend to comfort eat. Cold weather needs warm puddings, fattening us up for the winter. I think it’s become part of our primal nature now, as humans.
Maybe we’re turning into oversized hamsters.
Nevertheless, I will continue to make Keto alternatives to all.
Resonating foods I’ve had this week…
Mostly Keto foods,
Almond butter and yogurt with a little stevia and 100% black chocolate. YUM
End of week result…
It’s a yellow face for the chips as I can’t keep letting myself off, even if I do believe it’s normal… and we can’t have my sugar monster thinking it’s allowed.
Until next week, keep resonating.