Here’s an old song I found that I wrote about 20 years ago regarding my spiritual path at the time. I recorded it in one take with Lee Boardman, the lead guitarist from a band I was in back then called The Same Changes. The title is Still Sleep, and it refers to me striving to achieve the ultimate Buddhists goal of becoming awake. It has a few crackles because of it’s age and it was done in one take so be kind 🙂
It took me back to the time when I first discovered Buddhism, and how I felt about it. There can be many feelings inside us when we first set out on our paths. For one, while you’re being awakened enough to know that there is all this new information about spirituality, the universe at large, symbolic gods, rebirth and views you’d never pondered before yet make sense to you, broadening your mind and inspiring new thought, you simultaneously realise how unwise you really are.
Once you delve deeper, opening your mind to these ancient principles and philosophies, they become so intriguing to you that you feel like you may find the answer to the meaning of life. On the other hand, you can feel a great sense of loss for your old life, old views and belief system, and the ego can start to take over, trying to fight to keep its place and control over your old beliefs.
That’s okay! The truth can come to you in waves, it can take a while, sometimes even a lifetime or more. It’s natural to fight against it at first. I know struggling with my old belief system was extremely hard for me, both because I felt stupid for having wrong beliefs that didn’t serve me in the first place, and because of the conflicting guilt of letting go of the old God I had, that I used to pray to each night. It was also hard because I’m strong-willed and stubborn, so to let go of my old beliefs was hard for me, as it is for so many of us.
It was after I turned the man in the sky into omnipotent energy instead, that my idea of God and what IT is, that I made peace and sense of my own thoughtling… (what I know and feel inside my mind and my heart). Whether other philosophies and religions say, we all know what we feel in our hearts. While my heart was saying yes to Buddhism, it was simultaneously saying no to the fact that if I believed this, then I could no longer believe that.
Now I’ve evolved so much that I can take snippets of all religions and philosophies, take note of what resonates with me, and what is also agreed with scientifically, and put them all together in a way that I feel is right. I no longer feel a loss; I’m gaining in knowledge. I may have let go and said goodbye to the “man in the sky”, but I simultaneously made the essence of “God” bigger and brighter and more omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent in my life. IT (intelligent transcendence) just no longer looks like a man, one that (in my opinion) man created for people to understand.
Now my spiritual songs are a little different. I should probably write one entitled Almost Awake or something. But for those of you starting out on the path, it can feel something like this song. I hope it helps on your own path.
Blessings, Rinzen x