A excerpt from the Resonating Affirmation for Money Package
After my mother and father got divorced when I was two years old, my dad took the money from the sale of their home and the council gave my mum a house. It was one of the best council estates in the area, where most of the homes are bought and presented well but, as my dad got re-married to a wife that didn’t want me in their life, had new children, bought businesses, and became a millionaire – my mum worked three jobs and struggled to make ends meet.
Because of these jobs, I had to live with my grandparents as they were close to my school and it was easier for everyone if I just stayed there, instead of my granddad having to come and pick me up each day. I loved it so much there, that it felt weird when I had to go “home” at weekends. I was loved and cared for and spoiled at my grandparents, never could I do any wrong; they doted on me.
It was when I asked for the Mr Men books I’d seen at my local newsagents and my nana agreed to buy them for me that I soon realised the value of money… or lack thereof.
My mum went mad, shouting “how dare I ask my poor grandparents to buy me the books when they were on a pension”. I did not understand what a pension was, let alone that my nana and grandad were poor. I had a full cupboard of Lego, lots of art supplies and a drawer full of chocolate at all times. I had never heard the mention of money – or lack thereof – before.
I mean, they never took me on holidays but, I’d never thought about not being taken away.
Never had I realised they were pensioners, who only had limited funds. I had also never understood that I lived on a council estate because we too, were poor. Even though my mum would bad mouth my dad every opportunity she got about being rich and greedy, I hadn’t realised my mum and grandparents were the opposite – poor and kind. I took note that my mum had missed out on opportunities to get on the property ladder; I took note that we had no money, but mostly I took note that it also meant I was poor.
I sat and considered what it meant to have no money, that was certain. The guilt I felt for asking for something I want in that moment was a defining point in my life regarding the whole “money” “rich v poor” conundrum. I never asked my grandparents for anything ever again.
As I got older, and all my friends were wearing fashionable clothes, I had to wear cheap ones or my mothers’ old clothes. As everyone else queuing for dinner at school had cash, I had a dinner ticket provided by the government, along with education shop clothing, that we had to sit and wait in line with other poor people to get, which may as well have had a label on them stating, “I’m on welfare”.
Because of this, kids bullied me at school, to the point where I had no self-esteem, no confidence and almost no pride.
A part of me looked at other kids and wondered how they could afford things, but it never occurred to me that I could one day have them; it was just the way things were. I was poor, and that was that.
When I had my children, and money became even tighter, I could only afford to make a vow to make sure my kids never went through what I went through. This meant I always bought them the latest fashion, and my youngest never wore hand-me-down clothing; they were both dressed the same until the day they told me they felt ridiculous. I didn’t care about labels myself by this point, but I didn’t want them to grow up with a poverty mindset, like me. I didn’t want them to feel like they were missing out or somehow different from all the other kids in school.
We could never afford real holidays, but I didn’t realise what they were missing out on due to me never having them myself. It was only when I ended up a single parent in the same position as my mother with two children in my own council house that I became determined to change my life and solve the problem of being poor.
I was a qualified hairdresser, but I was only doing a bit of mobile hairdressing and had no way of saving for my own shop. Instead, I was working in bars at night and weekends, and as a dinner lady during the day. This way, I didn’t need to pay for a childminder. Here I was with three jobs, trying to make ends meet, just like my mother, no prospect of getting on the ladder, unless I bought my council house. When my mum bought her first house with her new husband, I exchanged to my old house in the nicer area and decided I could afford to buy it, as I would get a discount for paying rent for so many years. It was exciting to think I had the chance of getting on the ladder. It didn’t matter that it was council; I could use it as a first step, then buy a better house in years to come. But the house was sinking, and they wouldn’t guarantee the works for a mortgage company. Long story short, by the time they moved us to another property, house prices had quadrupled, far too much for a single person’s wage.
All I had left was hope.
This surely meant I could surpass the wage provided by regular jobs and get a big break, if I used and applied my talents.
I had always dreamed of becoming an actress but, because I felt too ugly after years of being bullied, I didn’t believe they would cast me for any parts if I went for auditions. Despite my lack of confidence, however, I made myself go to a theatre workshop. This helped with my confidence, but I still never got myself an agent because this meant I would have to go to auditions, and my heart needed to protect itself from more rejection. I know now my subconscious mind was sabotaging all my efforts because if anyone official took away my dream of ever becoming something more than a council house single mother with nothing to her name, it would be too depressing. Dreaming was all I had, and no one would crush them.
So, how else was I going to get out of this financial state, if I wouldn’t go for auditions?
I was also good at song-writing and used to write songs for unsigned bands in Manchester, so I tried to get publishing deals for someone else to sing them so I wouldn’t have to show my face. When deals fell through or weren’t what I’d hoped (one company wanting to change one word and say they co-written them to get half the royalties—which I wish I could go back and tell myself not be stupid and do what was necessary to get in there as half of something was better than half of nothing) I joined a band as a backing singer and my confidence and hope for the future as a creative individual grew.
We tried to get signed, but deals always fell through. Then, after I watched the Matrix, I had an epiphany; I would write a script just as good. It gave me such a rush, like I could finally believe I could be somewhat of a millionaire, a way that would allow me to give up my three jobs forever and buy a house outright and live off the interest and just create art in all forms for the rest of my days with no mortgage to pay.
I had all the hope necessary that this idea was “possible”. All I had to do was write the script! Once I discovered script writers wouldn’t take me seriously (they wanted a track record), I went with the only other option; turn the script into a novel and make a series out of it. Once the novels became successful, the script would sell and I could then see it transformed into film!
That was in February 2007. I have been writing those novels ever since with this same hope and dream. The long story cut short over the years of trying to get an agent and publishing deal is, agents and publishers were interested in the concept, but not the delivery. The main feedback was that I had to make them more commercial, shorter, and improve on my writing. After going on many writing courses, changing the novels umpteen times, and sending them back and forth, I began to dislike the industry. All they wanted to do was change my work. I realised, even if I wrote the book they wanted, instead of what I wanted, they would then also want a say in the cover, and give me a measly advance that wasn’t enough to live on and a deadline for the next, all while taking most of the royalties and not promoting or marketing the book for me.
So, I took what I’d learnt and began to write them for myself. I would then open my publishing company, and publish the book myself, which takes us right up to April 2021, 14 years later, when I have acheived this fully-fledged, magically mega, urban fantasy series I wanted to release in my own way.
In the meantime, I’d been getting deeper into Buddhism, spirituality and the Law of Attraction which helped with the new mindset I needed that I could manifest the life I wanted, especially when I began using meditation, mantras and affirmations.
I started to manifest better things, but I couldn’t manifest that alluring lottery win. Being creative was my primary focus but still, I truly believed I could win it if I tried.
At first I believed it was because getting the novels finished and published was the only way my higher self knew to make me truly happy and fulfilled, the only thing that would give me real security and a sense of achievement; it knew I needed to achieve something and their lied the contradiction within my vibration which stopped my heart booming out the win. I think my brain also still believed I somehow had to struggle and suffer to be a “real” artist back then too. My mindset was in a place that told me, I needed to achieve this status to show others no matter what their upbringing they can make it, can pull themselves out of it with hard work and determination. it rang true more than just sit back and believe and you’ll win. that wasn’t logical at all and certainly didn’t make any spiritual sense for me.
I knew deep down that, despite my upbringing, despite the lack of confidence and fear, if I could achieve this, it would somehow heal the wounds of my past, make them void and that would feel so much more rewarding that a lottery win. It would provide the proof I needed to validate my believe what I’d been trying to convince myself of; that I came to this planet to create and to support myself while doing so and that I was powerful enough to do it despite my circumstances. It would be a dream come true to get paid for doing what I love to do. I had to believe I could manifest this, more than anything.
I mean, there was still a fear of rejection hidden in my vibration. When my son suggested a change in novel three back in 2014, I took the first two I had ready to release, deciding he was right, and decided that meant I had to change them all once more.
As I worked on the novels again, I made sure I figured out the secret to manifesting lots of other things in my life, but the whole “manifesting money” part remained the same. Manifesting money has always been (and will always be now I understand why) tricky for me. I could manifest enough so I never struggled, but it was only ever a small lottery card or bingo win, and only happened when I “really needed” money.
I used to believe this part was due to the fact that this wasn’t the vibration you should have when communicating the “ask” to win money or have checks rolling through your door. I mean, the actual thoughtlings we put out when were in desperate need are weak due to our tightening hearts filled with anxiety. Putting out the more relaxed “I trust that just enough to get me through whatever sticky patch I am going through will come” was a lot easier, releasing more of a boom into the Resonation realm for this “ask” and for me to be included to be inspired to do this or that that lead to me gaining it.
When it was a specific amount that would help, and I had decided it could come however the universe decided, I was more able to pick up on their nudges towards the things, people and circumstances that lead to it manifesting in my life, sometimes the exact amount.
The lottery, however was, and still is, in a league of its own!
Was it because I believed the smaller amounts wouldn’t do me, or anyone else around me any harm?
Or the “reasoning” and “justifications” behind the thoughtlings were that of a knowing the money wasn’t life-changing, meaning it wouldn’t change my living or goal-orientated mindset, and therefore would still keep me small where I was safe, keep me heading towards my reward-providing my dreams which was all I had personal to my skill set as an ever evolving soul?
Could the only thing I would allow myself to manifest with ease (heart and mind all in) was that I wouldn’t let my kids suffer, the reason it was easy to manifest the amounts that would take just that notion away?
I mean, did I somehow still wish to keep myself from winning due to the fear I had that if I manifested a great win I would lose friends, family, and the respect that I would’ve gained if I’d have made it on my own—i.e. people may say I could only write the books because I could give up work and afford help?
Any of these things could shut off the download to pick the right numbers, or buy the right lucky dip but I knew none of them were right.
I always questioned myself this way when I’d done a really great “ask to win the lottery” thoughtling (ie I’d put in the intent of exactly what I’d do with it and who it would help and all the many great things I could do with it, including finishing my novels as the muse of the universe had given it to me and I wouldn’t let them beautiful, inspirational deities down) because I knew I’d done it well, visualised it with love and joy with a booming heart focussed on only the good it would bring… yet it was the only thing I struggled to manifest.
After reading self-help books and all the work I was doing to undo the neurological brain washing due to my poverty mindset and fear of rejection and lack of confidence, I could still only manifest enough to make sure I didn’t struggle too much.
I could visualise my dream house but because my heart holds the pain I’ve associated that comes with it within it, it will protect me. When I envision being rich, my heart automatically remembers all the negativity associated with it so, until my heart felt nothing but the love, security, pride, the sense of satisfaction and wellbeing it would bring when I was visualising, I was bound to keep the desire away.
Our DNA will always tighten, blocking our alignment to the Resonation Realm, stopping it from giving us the incline we need to succeed.
Back then, I thought major work was necessary. I needed to rewire my brain, train my mind for the future and to do so meant I had to believe I could become wealthy and successful, and still be loved by those who love me now. I had to believe I would be okay at handling any criticism that came with the price of success. I had to believe what I was stating in my affirmations, and not just chant “I will live my dream” or “I will win the lottery” which never resonated within my heart.
I had to decide what I wanted to believe and how I could truly feel that would happen.
I needed to remain in an excellent vibratory state while doing so.
What I wanted to believe: That I could be rich, famous, and happy about being so.
How I could believe that would happen?
Establish the fact that I know I could trust myself to handle any criticism or negativity that came my way because of it, because I knew of my good intentions and hard work. I needed to work on the success-mindset.
What I wanted to believe:
That I could win the big lottery first and feel happy, meaning it didn’t matter if people thought I’d cheated my way to success.
How I could believe that would happen?
Because I’d manifested lots of things in the past when I knew they wouldn’t lead to fear or guilt, so I know I can win the lottery if I think and feel differently about it. It didn’t matter if people thought I’d cheated, if I knew the truth.
I’d worked for years to abolish these supposed hindering limits because I knew that, if I couldn’t manifest something, it was due to a contradiction in my vibration… so I began to dig even deeper.
I started to think things like “even if I’m hated by a few, as long as I know what I’m doing is legitimate, valuable and helpful to most, and that the universe is on my side, then I’m happy to be a money conduit — Flow to me, you beautiful stuff” and “I can override the years of my heartfelt notion that I want to earn my money, not win it”.
I felt if I could override the fear that, if I bought my dream home because of a lottery win, and neighbouring people found out I was a lottery winner, people may shun and look down upon me, (which happened to someone local who won the lottery and moved to a posh area),all negative thoughts about having a big lottery win would vanish.
By asking myself “How did I become so paranoid?”. I mean, I knew fearing what could happen was preparation, a way for our minds to figure out ways of coping with any scenario, but it isn’t helpful when it hinders our wants and needs and what we logically know will benefit us mores, like well enough to balance out the looks of disdain… I mean we could pay for therapy if need be!
I realised I cared too much about what people thought. Some people thought that rich people were corrupt, and it bothered me. The only way it wouldn’t bother me was if I trained my brain to remember my values, so my heart and subconscious knew that once I had lots of money, I would be “different”. I could prove that not all people with money were corrupt or selfish; I’d give lots to charity. Therefore, if I wasn’t manifesting a lottery win, I’d know there were issues around that subject that needed dealing with, make myself dig to uncover the next level contradicting signals within me, and deal with them so I can resonate into the majestic all-giving realm my desire.
But recognising I had added the stipulation and justification that I would give to charity, and would prove to people I was nice was a major wakeup call in itself.
This meant I still believed it was wrong otherwise, or that I would suffer and therefore I would always feel the need to protect myself.
Why couldn’t I just believe it was fine for lots of money to come to me and everything would be okay?
How did I let my mind succumb to this limiting, hindering, detrimental belief?
Why couldn’t I picture it being okay to just role in a shit load of money all to myself licking my lips to the back if necessary and not care what people think?
So I had choices.
Know when I’m smiling and visualising my desire, knowing it’s on its way, that I can trust that I’m always okay in any situation, that people have to deal with crap and negativity wherever they work or live, whatever amount of money they earn, so why not do it in style? Realise that I don’t even need neighbours; if I won the lottery, I could buy a detached home in the country, far from where anyone could shun me… or at least I wouldn’t be around them to see their faces! That if I won lots, I could buy all my friends and family houses nearby, and they’d certainly still like me then!
OR… I could become successful through my own efforts and build up the fortune in a relaxed manner. People would be happy for me because they know how long I’ve been working on my craft, and therefore be okay with me having as much as them. When I surpassed my friend’s income, it would be fine by then because I’m humble and they would see me doing good. I wouldn’t have to prove it; it would just be natural.
This felt good within me; the lottery didn’t! Therefore the universe wasn’t stopping me having what I wanted, I was stopping myself having it due to my stupid heart worrying about all the bad that came with it, even though I’d got a “spiritual pass” from my soul to have it…
So, how I could stay happy and in an excellent vibratory state in the meantime, knowing I only have two days off from work each week to write, which isn’t enough?
Think often about the fact that I am only working for other people in jobs that didn’t suit me for now, until my books are completed. Know that I didn’t need a mortgage right now, because I would use the money other people used to pay for a mortgage to go on courses and learn how to write better, because after I do, and they become films, I could buy a house outright and by that time my friends and family will be used to it.
And the fact that, no matter what the subject may be, we should all be able to manifest what we want in life without letting other peoples’ opinions or our own fears stop us from getting it if we know our intentions are right.
In the meantime, whenever I felt short of money, I’d give something to someone, buy myself something I want but didn’t need, and emit from myself the feeling of abundance. A true thoughtling that I’m not that short of money.
This strategy still helped me to know that for now, until I got my neurological wiring right about the vibration of money, I would remain safe with a job that provided a steady income, and in my spare time I would write / edit / hone / polish and change my novels, so they would shine when I put them out again. When this time came, I’d confidently advertise, therefore the income I got would be just enough to allow me to give up my day job and create forever, getting more and more income in a way that my mind could handle, and simultaneously giving others what they want; the best fantasy I could muster.
So I gave up trying to win the lottery and put my RAS to better use, focussing on the real work I needed to do.
This was around the time I was helping others to manifest things they wanted in their life and it surprised them I wasn’t able to manifest bigger lottery wins, too.
This made me realise it wasn’t me. made me meditate on what was really happening out there in the all knowing universe that knows my intent, my likes and dislikes. The fact that I’d give loads to charity, would counterbalance any small bits of counteractive shit I had sticking inside my system to stop it coming now, instead of once I had become secure myself. After setting up my own publishing company, releasing the four books and services, it wouldn’t matter if I had a little extra help for the novels; it would be like me paying my own advance so I could work in the industry I prefer in a proper manner. I could only live an authentic life once I was earning from my creativity, after all. I could only help my children see that anyone can get free of poverty and get on the ladder at any age if I do it myself, even if that was by manifesting some help from the universe. In fact it would be great to show them the universe was working for them in this way as much as any other.
I was in a place that knew life was too short to be laying low, that I came here to express my creativity and share its value with the world, help others, entertain others and enlighten others no matter what way I’m helped to do so. There was no more dulling my sparkle inside me; I knew I was meant to shine, like we all are. I knew we came to this Earth to live joyful, free, expressive lives and money was only a token of how much you’ve helped others to get what they want, and a lottery win means the universe wants to token you live out dreams.
I knew how great it would be to have a lot of money, which would provide for me the many “things” I needed to give me more time to create, and that this time would provide me even more time to create great value for others; and with the money that flows to me because of this fact, I will keep contributing to help charities and organisations that help others in other ways too, helping to create a better planet.
It was in this relaxed epiphany place I realised the full extent of the universe, how IT’s algorithmic, data-taking aspect worked and therefore why it couldn’t possibly give just me the “next winning numbers” exactly, or inspire just me to pick “the most likeliest venders to produce the lucky dips” that’ll provide them… because they are drawn randomly!
IT knows what numbers have been before, and therefore statistically what is likely to come out next but it will be quite a number of combinations of next possible winning numbers that it can “give” to us… that we can download.
I mean, back when the balls went up to 49, you had a 1 in 14 million chance of winning so say if the algorithm could produce the next probable 1 million and it was £2 a go then it would only cost you million to win the 14, making a 12 million profit… but who’s got time to meditate long enough to get 1 million combos? Now the added extra numbers of 50–59, make the odds jump to 1 in 45 million we’d have to sit a little longer. Or we could just feel pleased we are able to get our odds down to 1 in 1 million…. or more like 1 in 3 million nowadays (unless you meditate for 3 of the next possible numbers) and hope like the rest it will be you! Which, as we all know, with or without divine intervention, could well be.
Don’t despair! You can download the awareness of where money wins actually are in physical format as this is something the divine database knows for sure and for which it can give you the intuitive little inclines to pick up that odd out of nowhere scratch card once in a while or put a pound in that slot machine when you’ve never done so in your life before, you know the visceral gut “I just had a feeling I should buy that, or do this” kind of easy breezy notion… as long as you don’t let your desperate pushy persona get in the way. Just let the inspiration and openness for the divine nudge towards doing something that will bring you quick wins in and you’ll be winning more than money.
For the record, if money helps us get what we want, and hence, make us happy, then our happiness alone helps make the world a better place.
Happy people are kind and patient and less prone to anger and greed, so let’s manifest money without fear and guilt and lets see it as a vibration of representation for what good we can do with it for ourselves, our highest good, and the good of all beings.
You may not have as much in your system to clear about money as I did, but the simple key to manifesting any amount, is to find an amount that sits well with you, put out a thoughtling of already having that amount in your life, and feel nothing but love, joy and grateful eagerness about it.
Let us all leave negative connotations out of the money equation, know we won’t turn evil or could be seen as evil by people with good sense, and feel how you would feel then right now; happy and secure.
For most of you, talking yourself around and thinking this way will be enough. For the rest of us who were brought up with issues, we may need a few more rituals. If so, my Resonating Affirmation MP3 to align your vibration to the good of money may do the trick.