A excerpt from the Resonating Affirmation for Money Package
After my mother and father got divorced when I was two years old, my dad took the money from the sale of their home and the council gave my mum a house. It was one of the best council estates in the area, where most of the homes are bought and presented well but, as my dad got re-married to a wife that didn’t want me in their life, had new children, bought businesses, and became a millionaire – my mum worked three jobs and struggled to make ends meet.
Because of these jobs, I had to live with my grandparents as they were close to my school and it was easier for everyone if I just stayed there, instead of my granddad having to come and pick me up each day. I loved it so much there, that it felt weird when I had to go “home” at weekends. I was loved and cared for and spoiled at my grandparents, never could I do any wrong; they doted on me.
It was when I asked for the Mr Men books I’d seen at my local newsagents and my nana agreed to buy them for me that I soon realised the value of money… or lack thereof.
My mum went mad, shouting how dare I ask my poor grandparents to buy me the books when they were on a pension. I did not understand what a pension was, let alone that my nana and grandad were poor. I had a full cupboard of Lego, lots of art supplies and a drawer full of chocolate at all times. I had never heard the mention of money – or lack thereof – before.
I mean, they never took me on holidays but, I’d never thought about not being taken away.
Never had I realised they were pensioners, who only had limited funds. I had also never understood that I lived on a council estate because we too, were poor. Even though my mum would call my dad every opportunity she got about being rich and greedy, I hadn’t realised my mum and grandparents were the opposite – poor and kind. I took note that my mum had missed out on opportunities to get on the property ladder; I took note that we had no money, but mostly I took note that it also meant I was poor.
I sat and considered what it meant to have no money, that was certain. The guilt I felt for asking for something I want in that moment was a defining point in my life regarding the whole “money” “rich v poor” conundrum. I never asked my grandparents for anything ever again.
As I got older, and all my friends were wearing fashionable clothes, I had to wear cheap ones or my mothers’ old clothes. As everyone else in line for dinner at school had cash, I had a dinner ticket provided by the government, along with education shop clothing, that we had to sit and wait in line with other poor people to get, which may as well have had a label on each item staying, “I’m on welfare”.
Because of this, kids bullied me at school, to the point where I had no self-esteem, no confidence and almost no pride.
A part of me looked at other kids and wondered how they could afford things, but it never occurred to me that I could one day have them; it was just the way things were. I was poor, and that was that.
When I had my children, and money became even tighter, I could only afford to make a vow to make sure my kids never went through what I went through. This meant I always bought them the latest fashion, and my youngest never wore hand-me-down clothing; they were both dressed the same until the day they told me they felt ridiculous. I didn’t care about labels myself by this point, but I didn’t want them to grow up with a poverty mindset, like me. I didn’t want them to feel like they were missing out or somehow different from all the other kids in school.
We could never afford real holidays, but I didn’t realise what they were missing out on due to me never having them myself. It was only when I ended up a single parent in the same position as my mother with two children and my own council house that I became determined to change my life and solve the problem of being poor.
I was a qualified hairdresser, but I was only doing a bit of mobile hairdressing and had no way of saving for my own shop. Instead, I was working in bars at night and weekends, and as a dinner lady during the day. This way, I didn’t need to pay for a childminder. Here I was with three jobs, trying to make ends meet, just like my mother, no prospect of getting on the ladder, unless I bought my council house. When my mum bought her first house with her new husband, I exchanged to my old house in the nicer area and decided I could afford to buy it, as I would get a discount for paying rent for so many years. It was exciting to think I had the chance of getting on the ladder. It didn’t matter that it was council; I could use it as a first step, then buy a better house in years to come. But the house was sinking, and they wouldn’t guarantee the works for a mortgage company. Long story short, by the time they moved us to another property, house prices had quadrupled, far too much for a single person’s wage.
All I had left was hope.
This surely meant I could surpass the wage provided by regular jobs and get a big break, if I used and applied my talents.
I had always dreamed of becoming an actress but, because I felt too ugly after years of being bullied, I didn’t believe they would cast me for any parts if I went for auditions. Despite my lack of confidence, however, I made myself go to a theatre workshop. This helped with my confidence, but I still never got myself an agent because this meant I would have to go to auditions, and my heart needed to protect itself from more rejection. I know now my subconscious mind was sabotaging all my efforts because if anyone official took away my dream of ever becoming something more than a council house single mother with nothing to her name, it would be too depressing. Dreaming was all I had, and no one would crush them.
So, how else was I going to get out of this financial state, if I wouldn’t go for auditions?
I was also good at song-writing and used to write songs for unsigned bands in Manchester, so I tried to get publishing deals for someone else to sing them so I wouldn’t have to show my face. When deals fell through or weren’t what I’d hoped (one company wanting to change one word and say they co-written them to get half the royalties—which I wish I could go back and tell myself not be stupid and do what was necessary to get in there as half of something was better than half of nothing) I joined a band as a backing singer and my confidence and hope for the future as a creative individual grew.
We tried to get signed, but deals always fell through. Then, after I watched the Matrix, I had an epiphany; I would write a script just as good. It gave me such a rush, like I could finally believe I could be somewhat of a millionaire, a way that would allow me to give up my three jobs forever and buy a house outright and live off the interest and just create art in all forms for the rest of my days with no mortgage to pay.
My younger self was so naïve.
I had all the hope necessary that this idea was “possible”. All I had to do was write the script! Once I discovered script writers wouldn’t take me seriously (they wanted a track record), I went with the only other option; turn the script into a novel and make a series out of it. Once the novels became successful, the script would sell and I could then see it transformed into film!
That was in February 2007. I have been writing those novels ever since with this same hope and dream. The long story cut short over the years of trying to get an agent and publishing deal is, agents and publishers were interested in the concept, but not the delivery. The main feedback was that I had to make them more commercial, shorter, and improve on my writing. After going on many writing courses, changing the novels umpteen times, and sending them back and forth, I began to dislike the industry. All they wanted to do was change my work. I realised, even if I wrote the book they wanted, instead of what I wanted, they would then also want a say in the cover, and give me a measly advance that wasn’t enough to live on and a deadline for the next, all while taking most of the royalties and not promoting or marketing the book for me.
So, I took what I’d learnt and began to write them for myself. I would then open my publishing company, and publish the book myself.
In the meantime, I was getting deeper into Buddhism, spirituality and the Law of Attraction which helped with the new mindset I needed that I could manifest the life I wanted, especially when I began using meditation, mantras and affirmations.
I started to manifest better things, but my heart was blocking a lottery win. Being creative was the only thing I wanted. Getting the novels finished and published was the only way to make me happy and fulfilled, the only thing that would give me real security; I needed to achieve something. I think I still believed you had to struggle and suffer if you were a real artist back then, but more than this, my mindset was in a place that told me, I had to achieve this, despite my upbringing, despite the lack of confidence and fear. If I could achieve this, it would somehow heal the wounds of my past, make them void. It would allow me to believe what I’d been hoping to convince myself; that I came to this planet to create and to support myself in doing so. It was also a dream to get paid for what I love to do. I had to believe this to manifest this.
The result? I published the first two novels in 2014 but never advertised them. There was still a fear of rejection, hidden in my vibration. When my son suggested a change in novel three, I took the novels offline, deciding he was right, which meant I had to change them all once more— but at least this time it was for myself.
As I worked on the novels again, I made sure I figured out the secret to manifesting lots of other things in my life, but the whole “manifesting money” part remained the same. Manifesting money was tricky for me. I could manifest enough so I never struggled, but it was only ever a small lottery or bingo win, and only happened when I “really needed” money.
This usually isn’t the vibration you need to win amounts of money or have checks rolling through your door but the actual thoughtling (my thought and feeling towards it together) I was putting out was that I deserved just enough to get me through whatever sticky patch I was going through, that my usual income wouldn’t cover. It was always a specific amount that would help, and I would manifest it no problem, sometimes the exact amount.
Why? Because I believed that this amount wouldn’t do me, or anyone else around me any harm. The reasoning behind this thoughtling was that by knowing the money wasn’t life-changing, meaning it wouldn’t change my living or goal-orientated mindset, it kept me small where I was safe, kept me going for my dreams which was all I had. The only thing I would allow myself to manifest with ease (heart and mind all in) was that I wouldn’t let my kids suffer, the reason it was easy to manifest the amounts that would take that notion away.
I always put on the lottery and wrote what I’d do with the money and visualised it well but it was the only thing I was struggling to manifest. There was a contradiction in my vibration, so I asked myself more questions.
Did I somehow wish to keep myself small? The answer was yes.
This was so hard for me to deal with. My logical brain told me it was okay to manifest great things, but the fears in my heart about what I would lose if I was rich (i.e. friends, family, and the respect that I’d made it on my own—i.e. people may say I could only write the books because I could give up work and pay for help) overtook any efforts of me trying to achieve greatness.
I needed to focus on only the good it would bring.
After reading self-help books and all the work I was doing to undo the neurological brain washing due to my poverty mindset and fear of rejection and lack of confidence, I could still only manifest enough to make sure I didn’t struggle too much.
I knew major work was necessary. I needed to rewire my brain, train my mind for the future and to do so meant I had to believe I could become wealthy and successful, and still be loved by those who love me now. I had to believe I would be okay at handling any criticism that came with the price of success. I had to believe what I was stating in my affirmations, and not just chant “I will live my dream” or “I will win the lottery” which never resonated within my heart.
I had to decide what I wanted to believe and how I could truly feel that would happen. I needed to remain in an excellent vibratory state while doing so.
What I wanted to believe: That I could be rich, famous, and happy about being so.
How I could believe that would happen?
Establish the fact that I know I could trust myself to handle any criticism or negativity that came my way because of it, because I knew of my good intentions and hard work. I needed to work on the success-mindset.
What I wanted to believe:
That I could win the big lottery first and feel happy, meaning it didn’t matter if people thought I’d cheated my way to success.
How I could believe that would happen?
Because I’d manifested lots of things in the past when I knew they wouldn’t lead to fear or guilt, so I know I can win the lottery if I think and feel differently about it. It didn’t matter if people thought I’d cheated, if I knew the truth.
The last part was still iffy. I did care what people thought. Some people thought that rich people were corrupt, and it bothered me. The only way it wouldn’t bother me was if I trained my brain to remember my values, so my heart and subconscious knew that once I had lots of money, I would be “different”. I could prove that not all people with money were corrupt or selfish; I’d give lots to charity. Therefore, if I wasn’t manifesting a lottery win, I’d know there were issues around that subject that needed dealing with, make myself dig to uncover the contradicting signals within me, and deal with them so I can resonate with my desire.
Recognising I had added the stipulation and justification that I would give to charity, and would prove to people I was nice was also a wakeup call. This meant I still believed I would suffer and still felt the fear that I would need to protect myself.
Why couldn’t I believe it was okay for lots of money to come to me and everything would be okay? How did I let my mind succumb to this belief? I should believe that it’s okay to have money just for myself, no matter what people think.
So what could I do about it?
I could become successful through my own efforts and build up the fortune in a relaxed manner. People would be happy for me because they know how long I’ve been working on my craft, and therefore be okay with me having as much as them. When I surpassed my friend’s income, it would be fine by then because I’m humble and they would see me doing good. I wouldn’t have to prove it; it would just be natural.
This felt good within me; the lottery didn’t! How weird. I thought the universe wasn’t giving me what I wanted, but it was me stopping it all along because of my stupid heart worrying about all the bad that came with it.
So, how I could stay happy and in an excellent vibratory state in the meantime, knowing I only have two days off from work each week to write, which isn’t enough?
Think often about the fact that I am only working for other people in jobs that didn’t suit me for now, until my books are completed. Know that I didn’t need a mortgage right now, because I would use the money other people used to pay for a mortgage to go on courses and learn how to write better, because after I do, and they become films, I could buy a house outright and by that time my friends and family will be used to it.
In the meantime, whenever I felt short of money, I give something to someone, buy myself something I want but didn’t need, and emit from myself the feeling of abundance. A true thoughtling that I’m not that short of money.
This strategy still helped me to know that for now, until I got my neurological wiring right about the vibration of money, I would remain safe with a job that provided a steady income, and in my spare time I would write / edit / hone / polish and change my novels, so they would shine when I put them out again. When this time came, I’d confidently advertise, therefore the income I got would be just enough to allow me to give up my day job and create forever, getting more and more income in a way that my mind could handle, and simultaneously giving others what they want; the best fantasy I could muster.
This was around the time I was helping others to manifest things they wanted in their life and it surprised them I wasn’t able to manifest bigger lottery wins, too. I, now, after years of working on the novels and writing my spiritual development books and knowing how the Resonation Realm works, have a different money-mind set, one that is healthy. Maybe because I’m almost finished and, after twelve years of me going on about them to everyone, I realised it would be great to give up work now, so I can release all seven books in one year because people would still believe I worked on them for that long.
With this mindset at the end of 2018, I manifested six months off work at the beginning of 2019 for myself to complete the four spiritual development “Resonation Realm” books, which I hoped (and still believe) will bring in enough income to last me in the same way my wage did so I can get these novels done once and for all and live my true dream life. Then I’d buy the house in my head outright once I advertise.
I also know I can only give lots to charity, if I help myself become a success, so why not now? I can only help others in need once I have become secure myself. Now I’ve set up my own publishing company, released the four books and services, it wouldn’t matter if I had a little help; it would be like me paying my own advance so I can work in the industry I prefer. I can only live an authentic life once I’m earning from my creativity. I can only help my children see that anyone can get free of poverty and get on the ladder at any age if I do it myself, even if that is by manifesting help.
It’s only this year I’ve realised life is too short to be laying low. I’ve realised that the novels may have taken me so long because my mind has taken so long. I realised I came here to express my creativity and share its value with the world, help others, entertain others and enlighten others. No more dulling my sparkle; I’m meant to shine, like we all are. We came to this Earth to live joyful, free, expressive lives and money is only a token of how much you’ve helped others to get what they want, and a lottery win means the universe wants to help you live your dreams.
How great is that? If I have a lot of money, which buys me lots of things I want and gives me more time to create, this means I’ve given lots of things to others; it’s a representation of how much I have provided, how much value I’ve sent out of me. And with the money that flows to me because of this fact, I will also contribute to help charities and organisations that help others in other ways too, helping to create a better planet.
Even if I’m hated by a few, as long as I know what I’m doing is legitimate, valuable and helpful to most, and that the universe is on my side, then I’m happy to be a money conduit — Flow to me, you beautiful stuff.
So, if I know how to manifest and can finally feel this way, can I now win the lottery?
Maybe, I can. If I can override the years of my heartfelt notion that I want to earn my money, not win it. If I can override the fear that, if I bought my dream home because of a lottery win, and neighbouring people found out I was a lottery winner, people may shun and look down upon me, (which happened to someone local who won the lottery and moved to a posh area).
It’s only possible if all my negative thoughts about having a big lottery win vanish.
But this year I’m also asking myself “How did I become so paranoid?”. Fearing what could happen is preparation, a way my mind can figure out ways of coping with any scenario, but it isn’t helpful when it turns obsessive.
I can visualise my dream house all I want but if my heart remembers the pain I’ve associated with it, it will protect me. If I envision being rich, my heart automatically remembers all the negativity associated with it.
So, until my heart feels nothing but the love, security, pride, a sense of satisfaction and wellbeing when I’m visualising, I will always keep what I desire away. My DNA will always be tight, blocking the Resonation Realm from bringing what I want to me.
I know when I’m smiling and visualising my desire, knowing it’s on its way, that I also need to trust that I’m always okay in any situation. People have to deal with crap and negativity wherever they work or live, whatever amount of money they earn, so why not do it in style?
I don’t even need neighbours; if I won the lottery, I could buy a detached home where I liked in the country, where no-one could shun me… or at least I wouldn’t be around them to see their faces! If I won lots, I could buy all my friends and family houses nearby, they’ll certainly still like me then!
My situation at the moment is that I can state with a good feeling, that I would love to win the lottery so I can give up my day job right now and work on my creativity each day, but I think my heart gets sticky about the amounts. Putting out the thoughtling of winning a small amount like £30,000 (so I could pay the editor for all seven novels, and last myself a wage and advertising all year until I made enough royalties before the amount ran out) is a secure vibration but anything more tightens my DNA and stops the signal.
Because if it wasn’t a massive win, one where I could buy everyone in my family a house and myself, I would feel guilty keeping it.
Why? Because I feel (and therefore believe) that if I win two million, and therefore buy the house of my dreams that’s for sale right now in Alderley Edge that I blow kisses to each time I drive past, that my friends and family would call me selfish. If I bought myself that house, when I could have bought a cheaper house and helped my family and friends, then I am selfish.
I’d feel they’d be right to complain because I was only thinking of myself, manifesting enough for the house I love and that’s it.
I’d have no problem buying that house from my royalties because people don’t expect you to give them your earnings; that would be a choice, one I wouldn’t feel obliged or guilty about if I didn’t make.
Does this mean I’m greedy and therefore it goes to show that I wouldn’t share my earnings?
No, but it means I still feel I will suffer if I win a large amount, which I’m working on changing.
My mum said if she won the massive euro millions, she would only tell people she’d won the normal lotto because she doesn’t want people to know how much she had and therefore doesn’t have to give much away, but again the lies are because of fear around the win.
I would never lie about anything; I would rather face the consequences of peoples’ actual reactions, whether positive or negative, but realised I had to come up with some lottery rules myself.
So, my new winning the lottery philosophy is, if I win under £100,000 then no-one would need to know anyway. I would use the money to last me and stay where I am. I would put it into the business, until the business gave me a wage.
If I win £100,000 to £500,000, I would buy a small house outright and a business and employ family to help with that business, improving their lives that way. I would tell people I’ve had a nice little win on the lottery, enough for me to give up work and to help with the business, but I wouldn’t tell anyone the amount, solving the problem of people feeling they should have some and yet I’m being honest.
If I win a million, I could do the same and buy my kids a home each, employing more.
If I win a few million, I could do the same and buy my mum and sister a home too, employing more.
So, there it is, my plan to feel happy about a lottery win. Who knows, what will happen now?
I didn’t want to struggle and I’m secure because I have no debt due to a job that pays an income, and I wanted to be creative, and I am every day off and chance I get, but I now feel ready to give up the day job, and be in a position where money can pay for plenty of things I’ve missed out on.
So, I’m putting out the clear thoughtling that I want to pay my wage with my income from all the creative things I’ve made. I have eBooks, Paperbacks, Audiobooks, MP3’s, PDF packages, downloadable art print affirmations, Reiki induced art, and 1-1 services set up now, all ready for once I advertise, and I’m raring to go. I’m ready for my preferred reality once and for all, ready to embrace success and a nice lottery win will help me ease into this new routine.
This year, I also made myself get an agent who gets me extra work on TV shows now and again. I am called a “Support Artist”. This is the kind of employment I prefer.
The fact is, no matter what the subject may be, we should all be able to manifest what we want in life without letting other peoples’ opinions or our own fears stop us from getting it.
If money will help you get what you want, and hence, make you happy, then your happiness alone helps make the world a better place. Happy people are kind and patient and less prone to anger and greed, so let’s manifest without fear and guilt.
You may not have as much in your system to clear about money but the simple key to manifesting any amount of money is to find one that resonates with you, put out a thoughtling of already having that amount of money in your life, and feel nothing but good about it.
You also have to conjure an appreciative feeling about it. Leave all negative connotations out of the equation and feel how you would feel then right now; happy and secure.
For most of you, talking yourself around and thinking this way will be enough. For the rest of us who were brought up with issues, we may need a few more rituals. If so, my Resonating Affirmation Money Package should do the trick.